The Christmas Cards

I did it!  I sent out the Christmas cards.

This is not a big accomplishment due to lack of time or busy schedule.  In fact, they have been sitting here on my table for almost 2 weeks addressed and ready to go.  The accomplishment was walking them to the mail box.

I normally make the cards early and send out early but I held off making them a while longer hoping we would get our referral and I could add a picture of the baby.  Then we attended our adoption meeting and I realized we would probably not get a referral until the new year so I made the cards.  I had myself 99% convinced the referral would not come and I should just send them out but no matter what there is this little 1% of my heart that held onto hope that it may come and I could maybe add his picture to them so there they have sat.....

...but the calendar kept turning and here we are at mid-December and I knew it had to be done so I  picked up those cards (that actually started to get covered with dust) and walked them bravely to the mail box.   I stood there and looked around at the beautiful scene of my snow kissed neighborhood and shut the box tight knowing there is a reason and timing for this but it was hard to give up that last one percent of hope.

I know it is harder on us adoption Mama's-to-be.  I'm sure the dads never would allow this process to creep mentally into the little details of their life.  Who knew it would effect something as simple as sending out my Christmas cards, but it does and even a year ago at the early stages of my wait I did not understand how hard this adoption process was for the mama's at the end of the wait until I got here myself.  

A Black Friday Tradition

Each year we go to a local tree farm to cut down our Christmas tree.  The past two years we have had the pleasure of my sister and her family coming with us. We also had Rooney visiting from college over Thanksgiving so we had quite a crowd.

 This could be Johns last year to cut down out tree.

Yes, that is a football in Jeff's hand and you may be wondering why someone would have a football when cutting down a Christmas tree.  Well that would be because once we land at the farm it seems the boys forget we are there to get a tree and rush off have a catch in the clearing.  Finally they came around and helped pick out a tree.

Carrot wanted this tiny tree for Christmas.  We told her it would not even show above the couch and she was a little red around the eyes for a while.

John trying to show off his big muscles

Uncle Chuck and Caleb with their tree

 Trying to get a happy face but still a little sad about the Charlie brown tree

Baking a quick batch of chocolate chips cookies to go with our tree.

 Hold on mom get my picture with the dough in my hand 

We get ornaments almost every year but this year I laid them out in the progression of our life.  It was amazing to see how many years have gone by via ornaments :)  It is hard to believe my little kids are so big now.

The ornament on the left is the first ornament Jeff and I bought the year we got married then we bought the stork ornament when we were expecting Brennan and then all the kids ornaments from their first until now.  I can't imagine how I will feel when they are in college.

Carrot putting up the star

 Skippy all worn out from the Christmas fun.  Doesn't he look so cozy.

Ah! The adoption process!

Today it happened.  I not much of an emotional person (although I cry way easier than I used to at movies) but I guess the uncertainly of this process got me and as I was driving to the grocery store it happened....a few tears trickled down my cheek.  Don't get me wrong this process gets me down but the tears surprised me.

Last night we attended our adoption update meeting and it was mentioned they only expected maybe 1-2 more referrals to the end of the year....and my heart sunk.  I really had hoped maybe by Christmas.  I know the end of the year is less than 2 months away but since January and February normally are also slow referral months my hopes sort of crashed all at once into it will probably be more like 3-4 more months at best.

I wiped up my trickles and tried to shake the feeling but it wasn't easy.  I just felt depressed.  I decided to blog out my sorrows and had a great big unhappy whinny blog all planned out.

As I walked through the aisle of the store I realized my mind was saying you have so much to be thankful for you can wait a little longer but I couldn't convince my heart.  I decided to start listing everything I was thankful for.  Here are just a few.

The fact that I already have two beautiful kids God has blessed me with
That my kids are healthy and smart and well behaved
My health and my families health
My home
My husband
-who loves me
-who drove 2 hours last night one way to our adoption meeting
-who is a good father
-who provides for our family
-who works faithfully in our church
-John who has touched our lives and taught us so much about his culture and food and language
-My neighborhood and church and the friends it has brought me
-My job and how even though so days its hard I get to see more of my kids

My list went on and on and by the time I walked out of the store I felt more like myself and I was thinking no blogging was necessary but decided it really was.  I'm sure there are many others out there in this horrible but beautiful process called adoption who have highs and lows, who have hopes for timelines moving faster, who have the trickles of tears.  It is good to know you are not alone in this process and that your crazy emotions are also someone else's crazy emotions.....so all you adoptive Mama's to be out there reading this blog - WE CAN DO IT!!!!!.....even thought this process sucks!

16 months

Maybe this month will be it :)   

 I have been hoping that for 6 months now LOL but at least now we are closing the gap to our quoted time frame of 20 months.  Just hoping we don't go over.

I am working hard on my korean lessons and hope that with what time I have have learned some basics to help me in our travels and with our little guy in his transition.

Here is what I have learned:

My Korean alphabet (that was a big accomplishment)

Hello

Goodbye

Nice to meet you

Thank you

Subway

What is this

What is that

Where is...

What is your name

My name is...

Apple

Grapes

Strawberries

Dog

Cat

butterfly

book

chair

pencil

Milk 

water

Bear

bread

juice

lion

zoo

pool

house

I know it is not much but it is a start and at least Carrot and I can order water and milk while we stay in Korea :) 

Not too much of a program update.  Still around 7-9 months wait to travel from our referral.  We are still hoping to stay the 4-5 weeks so we do not need to make two trips but we just have to see how it all works out.  

Keeping busy is defiantly key.  Somedays the wait is harder than others.  I am approaching 2 years since we started this process.  Looking forward to the day I can see his sweet face and know who our little person is. 

First middle school party....

....and I survived.  

Middle school is sort of a tough transition so I thought giving my big kid a fun big kid party might be a good idea.  

I loaded up on the Halloween themed pinterest ideas, let Banana invite a bunch of his middle school friends and held my breath it would go ok.

 Thank goodness for little sis not sure how I would have done it without her.  She filled all the popcorn hands, had a huge part in the cupcakes, pretzel brooms, and did much of the decorating.

Yes this is suppose to be a "mummy hot dog"  not the best I know

The kids played manhunt in the dark, spot light tag, and the donut game.  I'm think it was fun for them because as I put out some food and lit the bonfire one of the girls said this is so much fun you need to do this at Christmas, and Easter, and in the summer too.

It was a busy but fun evening and I hope my big kids gets the swing of middle school and makes ends up with a good group of friends (even if they were mostly girls)

take a few minutes

If you have a few minutes to spare take a drive down a country road with the windows cracked just enough to spell fall and enjoy the sight of the sugar maples.

Before you know it the trees will be bare and you will be glad you did :)

Happy Halloween

Yay Halloween!

Halloween and Christmas have always been my favorite holidays.  This year I dressed like a scarecrow which was pretty fun.  I put my makeup on during nap time so it would be on to pick up the daycare kids from the bus.  The littles seemed a bit surprised when they got up from nap though.

Carrot all dressed and ready to go.

A Pinterest copy attempt 1

Pinterest copy attempt 2 - the monster door

Here is a picture of my "Big Bad Wolf"

I guess this is how you stay entertained while you hand out candy these days

 The pups wanting to get in on the fun

Carrot and her trick-or-treat buddy

 Grandmother, Little Red Riding Hood, and the Big Bad Wolf

Halloween Parade

I feel very blessed to live in an awesome neighborhood.  Every year we have a halloween parade where the kids parade around the neighborhood in their costumes and then we all meet for a neighborhood hot dog roast.  It is a lot of fun to see the kids as they grow.  I remember being out there when Carrot was just one and now look how big she is.  

Little Bo Peep

Banana looks unhappy but he was the Big bad wolf in a trio group that 

was little Red Riding Hood.  Better pictures to follow

Skipper was her sheep!  

We were missing about 3-4 main family groups but still glad we had a decent turn out.  Lots of fun.

The kids getting together a game of capture the flag

 And the adults chatting.