Jeremiah 1:5 – “I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb.”
Yesterday we decided to make a break for the beach so my kids, Ooney and JonJon and one of the most lovely people I know, my niece Sarah who just graduated from college packed up the SUV and headed off. While on our drive Sarah was asking about the adoption and the time-lines and paused to think it over and she said, "well that means your baby is about to be conceived in a month or so". I can't believe I have been so busy that I didn't really think about this yet.
This morning I went onto the facebook group I am part of that is made up of families using our adoption agency and did a little research on those who have traveled recently, when their home studies went to Korean, their travel calls and the age of the babies when they traveled to get them. I then went on to google calendars and printed out a calendar that went from now to 2014 did the math and assuming that our home study will go to Korea some time next month - then sure enough our baby was more than likely conceived this month. Now as everyone who is familiar with adoption process knows this is completely unpredictable anything could happen to the program and cause a delay but still what a thought.....
You start this process and you know you baby is not event born or probably not event conceived and the wait is so long that it just feels endless. But it feels so much more real now.
My baby is more than likely out there. His mother more than likely doesn't know she is even pregnant, and is about to be faced with the the biggest decisions of her life. She will more than likely consider abortion and out of love for her baby give him life. She will be faced with the social shame of pregnancy out of wedlock, faced with the pain of telling her family or if she chooses not to hiding this for months. She will be faced with the challenges of altering a possible lifestyle that would be unhealthy for the baby she carries....but most of all she will be faced with the pain of seeing her baby after he is born and giving him away.
My baby is more than likely out there. His mother more than likely doesn't know she is even pregnant, and is about to be faced with the the biggest decisions of her life. She will more than likely consider abortion and out of love for her baby give him life. She will be faced with the social shame of pregnancy out of wedlock, faced with the pain of telling her family or if she chooses not to hiding this for months. She will be faced with the challenges of altering a possible lifestyle that would be unhealthy for the baby she carries....but most of all she will be faced with the pain of seeing her baby after he is born and giving him away.
She is now part of me. I feel love for this woman I don't even know and probably never will. My prayers have begun and will continue.
Thank you for choosing to give life to this little boy that is yours and will one day be mine.
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