Thoughts of a waiting adoptive Mama

THE THOUGHTS OF AN ADOPTIVE MAMA TO BE:

 You compulsively check your e-mail and FB groups for news on movement in the program as if by checking the FB group for the 100th time can magically make things start moving.

Your heart skips a beat when you realize you left your phone on silent for the day.

You program your agency's phone number to ring like the quack of a duck because your sure you wont mistake that ring tone for anyone else.

 You wake up everyday hoping to hear that beautiful sound of THAT duck ring tone.

 You try over and over again to convince yourself that you probably should not expect your referral until late fall but you can't stop your heart from hoping it will be sooner.

You stalk time lines and blogs and have your own running list in the cover of your calendar.

You absorb other people's stories when they are traveling to get some kind of idea what to expect.

You get chills when you read about them meeting their baby for the first time and cry when they share thier experience of what it was like when the foster mother hands the baby to you in the elevator and the doors close and that baby is yours.

You fear the grieving and sleepless nights and hope for the best, but also know the grieving is a good sign of attachment and fear them not grieving.

You have spent countless hours dreaming about what it will be like to open that file for the first time and see the face of your baby you have been wait to see for so long.

You've spent even more countless hours dreaming about what it will be like when you meet him for the first time knowing you love him way more than he loves you.

You wonder:

What does he look like
Why could his mother not keep him
Will he have any of the special needs we selected
Will he like me
Will I like him
Will my kids like him
What if the wait REALLY IS 9-12 months longer - I'M NOT SURE I CAN STAND IT.

Your husband thinks your crazy for all of the above and you wonder if there is something wrong with you until you realize all the other waiting mama's out there are thinking and feeling the same thing.   They are checking their e-mail and FB group for then millionth time as well.

.....YOU KEEP ON LIVING LIFE.  You enjoy every moment of every day.  Enjoy the blessing God has given you and just WAIT!  Your not miserable in the wait but you just WAIT and WAITING IS HARD!