So close yet so far away.

I have been hopeful this week!  The holiday's are over, people are back to a regular work weeks, and we are in fact the family that has been waiting the longest at this point with out agency.  All of these reason have lead me to feel hopeful that maybe this is THE week.   However, January and February are traditionally slow months for referrals and our agency does not go in order for referring families which are all reason to keep my excitement in check that we could in fact still wait another few months and it wouldn't be unheard of for us to wait until almost summer for our referral.  Recently most have waited 18 months for less but there have been those cases in the past where some have waited up to 23 months for a boy referral.  

It's a tough place to be.  Tough and lonely.  Not many understand emotions of this wait unless they have been there.  I am thankful for those around me who have adopted in the past and those I am connected with on-line who have experienced a wait like who truly understand.  

I want to be hopeful and at the same time am scared to let myself get too excited.  4 months will be hard thinking everyday my phone should ring any day now.

I actually think I am handling this wait pretty good.  I have only had one or two moments when tears have come.  I do not walk around sad or feel depressed.  I am blessed beyond measure and am happy and busy throughout the day.  It is just those little moments when the house is quiet or the busy schedule has a break here and there when it gets hard and I get hopeful.

I know I'm on the countdown!  Several have said well only 4 more months that should be easy.  I guess it should really when you think about it but it is an indescribable feeling and even knowing that does not help.  

I have spent 10 years in my heart feeling like this adoption was something I was meant to do and 2 years ago we filled out that application and I have been preparing my heart and mind to love this little child God deemed fit to bless us with.   My heart is ready to be done with waiting.  

I know I'm going to see his sweet face and the wait is just going to get harder and I will have to find room in my heart to deal with that wait.  I know I can do!