Today we received birthday pictures!!!!!. I haven't gotten a recent picture for months and it was a shock to see how much our little man has grown. I opened the file and didn't recognize him at first he had changed so much. I can't even describe how much it hurt at that moment. I was overjoyed to get new pictures but I couldn't keep the tears out of my eyes at the same time.
I loved to see those new pictures but there is an indescribable pain that came yesterday with the realization that I have missed so much and that I have a sweet baby half way across the world and if I didn't see those pictures yesterday I would not recognize him on the street if I passed him.
I guess there are only a handful of people out there that can understand this pain, that I guess, only comes with this beautiful gut wrenching process called adoption. I have been keeping busy and doing so well with this last part of the wait but yesterday opened this empty feeling that I'm having a hard time overcoming. I am going to be the mother to a sweet boy who is growing up so fast and I need to get there and there is just nothing I can do to get there faster.
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